Monday Mindset: When God is Silent

Waiting for a positive test. Grieving another loss. Sitting in the silence after praying your heart out.

What do you do when you’re longing for a child and God feels silent?
In this Monday Mindset episode of Birthing in Faith, we’re holding space for the quiet, painful places in the journey to motherhood; especially for women in the trying to conceive (TTC) season or facing the heartbreak of pregnancy loss.

When the prayers feel unanswered and hope starts to fade, you’re not alone. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

✨ How to respond when God seems silent during your fertility journey
 ✨ Lessons from Hannah and Sarah - what their waiting seasons teach us
 ✨ The difference between God-centered questions and self-centered spirals
✨ Why it’s okay (and biblical!) to lament and cry out to God
✨ The importance of bringing your pain into community, not isolation

If you’ve ever whispered “why me?” through tears, or felt forgotten while others announce baby news, then this episode will meet you in that space with truth, grace, and hope.

📥 Ready to center your prayers during this sacred and tender season?
Download my free 7-Day TTC Prayer Journal for daily scriptures and guided reflection to draw closer to God in the waiting.
👉🏾 Grab your journal now

📢 If this episode encouraged you, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with a friend who’s also in the wait and subscribe for more weekly encouragement.

The Flourish First Method - a course & coaching experience for proactive Millennial women to prepare for pregnancy and motherhood in advance.

If motherhood is in your future, your preparation starts now!

Join the next cohort at www.flourishfirstmethod.com, because a thriving motherhood starts with YOU flourishing first.

Transcript

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you're praying you're believing and still nothing then you start looking for everybody else to give you affirmation looking for a word looking for someone to tell you what God is trying to do right now and still nothing if you've ever wondered where God is in the silence this one is for you if you're in a season right now where you feel like you need God to speak you need to hear from the Lord and he's silent um like it you're you're waiting for confirmation you're praying for a positive pregnancy test you're you're seeking his wisdom about what to do in your situation as it relates to your family growing I get it I have been there and I feel you hey beautiful people this is Imani Fitch with birthing in faith a podcast for black Christian women this is not an episode that is filled with like cliches or answers honestly um this is really out of a place of my own experience and knowing how hard it is to get through it and I just want to be a voice that says I get it and I'm with you and you know here's what we we do know about god and an encouragement and a reminder about who he is when he is silent especially when it's talking about something so profound as growing our families um adding to our family um his timing about it how it happens all of it the mystery around it a lot of the times if you're ready for a real conversation buckle up this one's for you if you've been listening for a while you've heard bits and pieces about my story when it comes to trying to conceive or just adding to my family but if not I just want to give a little backstory I um got married when I was what 29 mind you I thought I would have been married when I was 25 but when we got married we said we wanted to wait for about a year and then start trying to have kids and that wait of a year turned into three years and in the midst of those three years we experienced a missed miscarriage and um it was just really hard really devastating honestly and confusing and I was earnestly seeking God through it all and I can tell you that what I got the most in that time was silence from God um I'm chuckling but that's to keep from crying really because it was tough it was hard I'm not gonna lie I hated it but I see now and I know now that there was purpose in it and there was not it was not a sign of absence but it was it was an invitation to to draw closer and to see him more clearly and that's really what I want to talk about today you know as Christians we are taught um to kind of have this very active faith to seek god you know that scripture it says ask seek knock uh we American Christians I'll say we are taught to pursue we're taught to act we're taught to do um we are taught to show our works um and show our faith and have this outward projection and we are also taught that a strong faith in god and a relationship with god has outward expressions of it and that looks like um hearing from God that looks like revelations miracles answered prayers that we can obviously see and getting what we want from God that's what I feel in my experience of being a Christian in America is supposed to look like it can feel very confusing and almost like there is a question Mark on your faith when god is silent the reality is the Bible talks so much about god being silent and there's even the the 400 years I believe it's a 400 years between the last chapter of the Old Testament and the first chapter of the New Testament that is god being silent so I think that we need to first of all talk about what is the reality of when God is silent why does it happen and what do we do with that and especially when we're talking about pregnancy new life um growing your family this is something that the church deems as like the best thing you always hear it as a blessing you always hear it as a question of when are you going to have children when are you going to have more children I'm just reminded of how often we are reminded of scriptures that talk about how much children are a blessing in our faith and in our churches so when there is a a pause a a setback a an issue with having children it can almost feel like where is god at is this evidence that I'm not in the right standing with god I'm not in alignment with god it not only has physical implications and mental implications but spiritual implications on us as believers when we are struggling with fertility or family planning and I just want to name the emotions right now because I believe that there's so much power in in honesty and in speaking to the reality so that we can give it to god these are feelings like disappointment fear anger um what's the word covetousness and doubt doubt in our faith these these are the emotions that can come with silence from God I know I'm not the only one who's had experience of these questions like why is everyone else how able to get pregnant and I'm not or why would my child not make it but someone else would there's even a tendency to think about other people who are living a lifestyle that is not as righteous as your own in alignment with what we believe god calls us to and and that can lead to just numbness and anger and just showing up and saying the right things without addressing our actual feelings and even drawing away from God running from God because he's not showing up how we thought he was going to he's not keeping up his end of the bargain I am speaking to this today because we have to realize that God's silence does not equate his absence there's a difference between culture within the church and there and what is actually true and what is actually in the word about who god says that he is and how he reveals himself let's look at some examples in the Bible of god being silent and what that even meant I'm reminded of Hannah this passage in 1st Samuel was actually very significant for my husband and I my husband would meditate on this scripture often and I I didn't even know I would read it and I would get mad honestly Hannah was the wife of Elkanah he had two wives one Penina who had children and Hannah she did not have children yet she was the one that was most loved but she got some hate from Penina it was always flaunted in her face that she had children and Hannah didn't so in first Samuel we see Hannah's prayer and vow to god in desperation asking god for a child but it was years and years and years where she was barren she was not able to have children and yet she pursued god in faith and what her prayer to me represents is a prayer of desperation but a desperation for um the things of god and I just wonder what she went through in those years where her value was really only in whether or not she could have children culturally and how it was god that shut her womb but it was also god who was doing something within her and within the timeline of of life in order to bring Samuel about for his purposes as a prophet so when I think of Hannah and what I Learned about god through Hannah's story is that the silence of god should draw us closer to him our our requests and our petitions are welcome to him but he ultimately has the timeline he ultimately has the plan and it is a reflection of our hearts whether or not we accept that and I'm not saying accept it like joyfully I'm not at all I'm saying do we accept and trust that his way is best whether we are kicking and screaming about it or not is another story but are we constantly going back to him and and saying Lord your will be done or are we saying if it's not my way God then I'm not with you I only want to be submitted to you if you're doing what I want you to do Hannah's story shows me that in our pain in the silence of god that we can continue to come to him he does not withhold any good thing from us and whatever that timeline looks like whatever that plan looks like is is what is best for us so I I'm constantly encouraged to know that even if I'm wanting it now and he says no or he says nothing I can still come back and say but God I want it now but God I want it now and as I'm expressing myself I'm also looking to hear or looking to see examples of how I can either patiently wait or um how I can ask for help to to challenge my heart I'm also reminded of the story about Sarah Abraham and Sarah were promised they were promised children and children more more than the stars in the sky yet they waited years I don't know how many years but it was decades before god answered that prayer and and Sarah even got impatient and she came up with a plan for Abraham to have a child with Hagar in order to fulfill God's promise story of Sarah reminds me that in our desires we can be tempted to go around god to circumvent god in order to get what we want even though he said that he would do it and if we even though god said he would do it we are tempted to go and do it our way and when we do it our way we mess up the blessing every time it's never going to be the way that we expect it to be because it's not from God's hand but even in our sin even in our Defiance even in our disobedience and trying to do it our way trying to get the thing that is in his hand even when we're trying to pry the thing that we want out of his hand he is still true to himself he still does what he says he will do he still brings the good thing he is not a a bad father he is the perfect father and so even when we mess up if it is for us to have he will still give it to us that is that Grace that surpasses all understanding that we don't understand and we don't comprehend that we have short sightedness and we are unable to wait on his timeline and his ways that we can't see and understand we operate in human wisdom a lot of times but he is so good and so gracious to us that even if we do ultimately his way and his will will surpass and that's an encouragement to me to be reminded to wait for him but even if I mess up in the waiting he will be true to himself which means he'll be true and good to me now I don't know if that's going to encourage you because ultimately we all want to abide in in what god is doing that is good we want to wait for him we want to be righteous we want to be holy we want to be set apart we want to be in alignment with him all of these things so let's learn from Hannah let's learn from Sarah Elizabeth Jesus even when he received the silence from God on the cross um different circumstances and different reasons but we are still learning about God's character and how we can respond so that we don't make the same mistakes that someone else does or we can follow in that same footsteps that someone that had faith did number one thing that we can do when god is silent and this is what I Learned as well I don't remember if someone told me I don't remember if if I read it in the Bible I don't remember how I got to the point but I do remember that it was pivotal in my waiting but we can practice lament y'all there is a whole book called limitations and lamenting is literally just being filled with sorrow and when we are being filled with sorrow but going to God we're not complaining um about God we're not grumbling we're not being disgraceful we're not growing cold in our hearts now lamenting is when you take your hurt and you take your pain you take your dissatisfaction you take your upset you take your anger and all of that within you because God created us he knows us he already knows what we're thinking but when we take it to him we are able to experience intimacy it is a back and forth it is a flow have you ever had a relationship where you can show up to that person and be like hey this is how I feel about you or this is how I feel about this situation I did not like it I wish you would have done this you could have done this differently and you can feel so uh free to say what you want and how you feel and know that that person still loves you if you can that's amazing I would have to say that's rare most people do not have a relationship where there is no um fear when it comes to bringing up you know their hurts and their pains I think we're really used to relationships with people physical people where we have to walk on eggshells we might get a rejection we might get retaliation we might get physically hurt so we are afraid to take our our true feelings to god because of our interpersonal relationships here on earth but remember God is our father God is our creator God is our Lord he knows everything about us he created us he knows our now he knows our future he knows our forever so where else are our feelings safer than to be with him with that if we are actually lamenting with the Lord then we are giving ourselves the opportunity to let it out and I don't know about you but whenever I have hurts and pains and upsets within me and they don't come out and I'll say when they don't come out the right way they come out regardless they're gonna go to my family they're gonna go to my friends they're gonna go to the stranger um it's going to seep out and God is inviting us in his silence to come close to let it out to him and I'm not saying that's how we force him to speak I'm saying that this is something that he has created so that we can intimately experience him in a different way from that place of lament I think it becomes much easier for us to be able to ask better questions when we're not able to release and lament we're asking questions like why me why is this happening what are you doing God how how did this happen how are you gonna fix it how long we're asking all these questions that are ultimately centered around us in intimacy with God it allows our perspective to shift so that we can ask questions about him god what are you doing in this in this time that helps me to see you differently how how can I see you how can I see others how can I see myself what am I holding on to that's not of you what am I believing that is not of you what am I um what where how am I centering myself and I'm not centering you even instead of how long do I have to suffer like this the question could be how can I learn about you while I'm waiting you see what I mean like the shift from centering us in our comfort in our satisfaction in our plan in our way to then shifting to god to saying God you are center so how can I know more about you while I'm waiting for X y Z and in this instance X y Z could be for a baby for pregnancy positive pregnancy test for a viable pregnancy for birth for healing from my child that I've lost whether that was a miscarriage or a stillbirth or um a child that was lost after months of being alive you know there's a variety of situations that women are carrying that we don't talk about we just don't talk about because that's not how our culture is set up our American culture is not set up to hold space for hurting women whether they're waiting for a positive pregnancy test or experiencing the devastation of a loss where there was hope and there was life and these are all active things that we can be doing god is not calling us to a passive um sitting around waiting for him to speak he's inviting us again into an active faith that doesn't always look like how we see it presented in church on TV in social media so what we can also do as we are living in the balance of God's silence is find small anchors find these things to hold on to I know for me I go back to what Lord what was the last thing that you said half the time I can't remember so I try to find a notebook that I journaled it in but hopefully you can remember the last thing that God said and if you can't remember like me then I'm going to search scripture for an anchor scripture something to hold me down while I'm waiting for more revelation or a word from god that confirms and or affirms or for my circumstances to change for me it's Isaiah 41 9 through ten I have it tattooed on me because I need that scripture and I hold on to that scripture to remember that God has me he will not forsake me everything that he does is for me I do not have to toil and strive in order to be in relationship with him he's doing it and he's keeping me another scripture that anchors me is it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me and just reminding myself that this laser focus that I have on my plan is foolish and is futile how can I have a focus on God's plan and centering God and asking him constantly what does that look like for me today because when we center God and he cares for us we are still cared for there's no lack when I'm centering God there's only missing him when I center myself and these anchors lead me into gratitude which then also lead me into uh just this change in disposition I may not be smiling but there is a glimmer of hope and with that the most important thing to do is to take it to community we have not been given our faith to do this alone there is no such thing even god is not alone he is Triune it is Father Son and Holy Spirit he said it is not good for us to be alone so why would he call us to be solo Christians it's one thing if we are isolated and on a mission you know we do see that in the Bible and it happens in life but in this day and age we're in a society that is so isolated and it only leads to bad things people are hurting and our mental health is draining our physical health is draining nothing good comes from isolation there's a reason why solitary confinement is is a punishment in jail it's not good so when we are struggling with God's silence take it to community do not be silenced within yourself while you're struggling with God's silence come on that doesn't make sense yeah we have to go to community and that looks like or can look like physical church body it can look like a small group it can look like a online community wherever you can be planted and rooted with people who know you and are checking in on you people who would be aware if you were silent or you ran off and started doing your own thing and it's not easy to create I'm not saying that it's easy I'm saying that it's vital and it's necessary as we wait for him to speak we should be speaking to others about how we are enduring it I know for a fact that when you are struggling with God's silence it is hard to pray it is hard to pray righteous prayers it is very easy to pray selfish prayers in those moments so it is imperative to have at least one other person who you can know is praying over you and praying prayers that are drawing you back to the father because to trust yourself to do it on your own is it's foolish and it's futile I'm just gonna say that I've been there and that is something that God showed me flat out it does not work so for you you who are struggling with waiting on God and waiting in his silence what are you believing God for that he's just not speaking about and where might he be speaking in different ways that you're overlooking I just challenge you with that reflection and if you are a woman who is trying to conceive right now I have a free 7 day trying to conceive journal that I love it was birthed out of my own experience with trying to conceive it's a prayer journal there are reflection prompts prayers and it's just a way to work through that season with the Lord go ahead and download it for free the link is in my description I want you to know that god is closer and close in the moments where he feels the furthest away so continue to fight for him before I end I wanna pray for you Heavenly Father I just thank you right now for the woman who is under the sound of my voice I thank you for her heart for you I thank you that you drew her to you that you saved her that you called her God that you have named her your daughter and that you are a perfect father that you have no good thing that you withhold from her Lord God and in this moment where you are silent or maybe she just can't hear you I pray father that you would soften her heart I pray that you would surround her with your Holy Spirit I pray that you would send other women to surround her right now to encourage and uplift her to remind her of who you are and how you are good Lord I pray for her circumstances and situations um that she would trust that you will provide and that you will protect and that your favor and your Grace are sufficient I love you oh God in Jesus name amen that's all for now until next time